This is a pepper grinder:


This is a pepper shaker:


Got that, pops? You can't shake a pepper grinder and expect the pepper to come out of the top.

True story. Dad is at breakfast preparing to eat his scrambled eggs. He grabs the pepper grinder, shakes it expecting pepper to come out of the top. Nothing comes out, but he looks at his eggs and is satisfied. He puts the pepper grinder back down and prepares to eat. My sister and I look at each other and share a "Did-he-just-shake-a-pepper-grinder look."

Funny thing is that pops had not had any drinks... yet. But it was sure a sign of what our first full day in Maui would bring.

We went back to the hotel and I slept. And slept. And slept some more. Two hours I slept. I was tired from the day before. Long flight, late night, bad food. All that stuff. So I recovered with a nap. Then I woke up, went down to the pool and hung out with the family; they were already there. Dad had already had a few drinks. "Cocktails" he calls them. We call it two shots of vodka on the rocks.



The more he drank, the more his behavior deteriorated.

Truth is, Matt was actually frightened here. He thought pops was going to eat him - you know, when you've been drinking, you'll eat anything (except steak as you'll learn later).



I guess being drunk is contagious. I mean, my sister hadn't had any drinks and she was drunk.


She didn't even wear proper clothes. She got a big brown towel, two ribbons and wore it out.



I was ashamed and had to look away.



But although Vanessa had her moments, today was definitely dad's day. He stole the show. First the pepper shakers. Then dinner. We went to Kobe's. No, not my boy Kobe, but a steak and fish house. Dad couldn't be found without his cocktail.



He was also found to be attracted to things that weren't even alive.



But one thing was for sure:

"I can't eat steak. I don't know how you guys do it," he said to me and my sister. "I just can't eat steak."

"OK, dad, just eat your fried rice."

"All I want is my fried rice."



"OK, dad, eat your fried rice."

"I don't know how you guys can eat steak."

Pops finished his fried rice. He was happy.



... and so were we. Well, except for Matt. Something to do with "That's vodka, not water, fool." But that's a different story for a different day. Peace.