My parking tickets

It was a good day. I walked to my car excited about lunch with my beautiful girlfriend Deanna. I thought, "Gosh, can't wait to hear Harry Potter on my iPod when I get in my car." (I have the audiobooks.) It's like that scene in Spiderman 2 where Peter Parker is walking without a worry in the world. I could've been humming a song. I don't know. I call the aforementioned girlfriend. We're chatting.

Then I walk to where my car should be, but it's not there.

I think, "Pee-Wee Herman." Remember in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" where his bike got stolen? Yeah, that's how I felt.

"Aw, f---," I said to her. "My car was stolen."

She was silent.

"I need to call the cops," I said.

She agreed.

I called 9-1-1, not sure if that's the number I need to call for a stolen car.

"Are you sure it wasn't towed?" the guy on the other end of the phone said. "Here, call this number."

"Wait!" I wanted to shout. "Times-a-wasting. Can't you take a report?"

It was too late. He had hung up. Greater emergencies, I guess. I called the other number.

"Your license plate number?" guy says on the other end.

"5AKK131. Wait, did I just say A KKK?" I wasn't sure if it sounded like I was supporting the Ku Klux Klan. Didn't want to offend him.

"Yeah, they towed your car for unpaid parking tickets. Call this number. You have to pay at one of our walk-in facilities." He gave me no other instructions. Remember that, it comes back later.

I called the other number; it was for the towing company. They said that they had my car, but couldn't get it back until I got it released by the city. So I had to get to 2nd and Broadway from USC without a car. That's basically 26 blocks north and about 10 blocks east. I couldn't walk it. So I jumped on a DASH bus.

The bus took me to 7th and Figueroa, where my girlfriend works. We met, I ate my lunch and she gave me a hug. It was the best part of my day. We looked up how to get to this place; the directions said it was .36 miles away.

"I'll walk," I said.

She didn't think it was a good idea and tried to find a bus for me.

"No, I'll walk." So I gave her a hug and a kiss and took off. It was then that I first noticed I needed to pee. It was 12:45.

I walked. And walked. And walked. It wasn't .36 miles. No way. I walked some more. I was already soaked with sweat. Then I approached a hill. "This sucks," I told myself. I walked up the hill huffing and puffing. Fumes emitted from cars filled my lungs. But I continued to walk. I made it up the hill, got to 3rd Street. Then I looked for 2nd. It wasn't there.

"You have to be kidding me!" I kept walking. I could see 1st. Finally I saw a little street that led to 2nd. I found the parking ticket facility. There was only one person ahead of me. It was 1:25.

"Do you guys have a bathroom?" I asked the security guard.

"Nope," he said.

I went up. The lady at the booth - perhaps the dumbest lady I ever met - says, "Do you gots your registration?"

"My what?"

"Registrations."

"My registration."

"That's what I said."

"It's in my car. Where it's supposed to be."

"Well, we can't release your car without it."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope, plus you have to pay $666 for your tickets." They had amassed extra fines. "We only take money order or cash."

This sucked. I looked up, took a deep breath and said, "I need the address to the towing facility." It was on 23rd and Hill.

I left. I walked down Broadway. Have you ever walked down Broadway? Yeah, don't. A lady grabbed me and said something in Spanish. I shook her off. The whole street smelled like urine. People shouted on bullhorns. "Buy this, buy this," but in Spanish. I continued to walk hoping to see a cab, or catch a bus that went down that far.

I walked for eight blocks. Finally I said, "F--- it" and jumped on the next bus. Luckily it went down to 21st. A few stops later, a thug's family got on the bus. I had seen "Menace II Society," but never thought that such gangsters actually existed. They do. Guy had braids, a red shirt; he was probably packing. His kids were running around the bus. He's son, couldn't have been older than 4, said something like, "Mom is an f---in b---h." She told the dad to say something to the son, but he just laughed instead.

I was thankful when I reached 21st. I got off there and walked to the towing facility.

"Do you guys have a bathroom?" I asked the first guy I saw.

"Not for public use," he said.

I stood behind a guy who also had his car towed. He needed to register it with the DMV, but all the paperwork was inside. They wouldn't let him get it. He started yelling and screaming. Then he left. I talked to the guy behind the glass; I'll call him Pablo. Then the crazy guy came back. He wished a bloody and painful death on Pablo. But Pablo wasn't a bad dude. Took me straight out to my car. He even let me charge my phone for a few seconds. I got my registration.

“Do you have the number to a cab company?” I asked him. I was done with buses and done with walking. He gave me one. My phone was still low on battery, so I called Deanna. She called the cab company for me.

Before they picked me up, I had to walk to a bank to get a money order for $666. An ominous number, I know. I had already tried to get a money order, but this particular place didn’t take credit cards for them. So I had a to walk to Wells Fargo.

“Do you guys have a restroom,” I asked the security guy at the door.

“Nope,” he said. My stomach was starting to hurt.

They were really nice there. One of the employees, I’ll call her Blanca, took my credit card so she could write out the withdrawal slip. However, the cab was on its way to the bank. I kept looking out the door to see if it was there yet. Then I noticed the security guard looking at me. Did he think I was about to rob the place? Then I saw the cab pass. Crap! I called Blanca over. “Can you tell that cab to wait?” She couldn’t, but the security guard could. The cab pulled over and I relaxed.

I told the cashier to forget about the money order. “Just give me cash,” I said. He gave me $670. I put it in my wallet. “It’ll be safe,” I thought. “I’m going to get dropped right off in front of the place.”

I walked out to the cab.

“Thank you for waiting,” I said to him.

A nod was all I got.

“I’m going to 213 6TH Street.” (The guy at the towing company gave me this address. “It’s closer than the other one,” he said.)

Another nod.

“How are you doing today?” I asked.

Nothing.

“Those are nice rosaries,” I said pointing to two rosaries hanging on his rearview mirror.

Nothing.

“It’s hot today,” I said.

A nod.

I gave up trying to talk to him.

“We’re here,” he said a few minutes later. I looked out the window and saw nothing but homeless people.

“I don’t think this is it,” I said.

“You wanted 213 6th Street. This is it.”

I didn’t want to make him angry.

“But this doesn’t look like the place,” I said.

“You want to pay your tickets?”

“Yes.”

“While this is the place,” he said with his voice elevated. I paid and got out.

It wasn’t the place.

“You lookin’ for the ticket office?” a homeless man said sitting in front of a boarded up building.

“Yeah,” I said.

“They moved it. It’s at 315 2nd Street.”

“Thank you,” I said. “Want a dollar?”

“Yes, please.” I gave him a dollar and walked. I got scared. I had $666 in my back pocket. I also had to pee. If I stopped and peed in the alley, would anyone really notice? I didn’t stop. I walked. And walked. And walked. It was a hot day. Then I heard my phone beep. I looked at it. Low battery. Crap.

Finally I got to the ticket office. I walked in. They had just called number 65. I drew number 75. I called Deanna and asked her to help me again.

“I will text message you when I need you to call the cab, OK?”

“OK,” she said. She’s great. I shut off my phone. Then I sat there. Waiting. 66. Waiting 67. Waiting. 68. Waiting. DUDE YOU DON’T NEED TO ARGUE! PAY YOUR TICKET AND MOVE ALONG. Thank you. 69. 70. 71. 72. 73. 74. I turned on my phone. “Can you call them in 5 minutes?” I wrote in the message. Then I shut off my phone again.

75.

I jumped up.

“I just need to get my car released.” The lady at the window had long fake fingernails and was popping her gum. “Here’s my license plate number.” I said it again, making sure I didn’t say three Ks.

“$666,” she said. I gave it to her. She marked each $100 bill to make sure it wasn’t counterfeit. Then she checked for their watermarks. This process took five minutes itself. Again I found myself looking out the door for a cab. Then she walked away. I couldn’t see her, but I heard her giggling away.

“Dude, this chick needs to hurry,” I said to myself. But she didn’t hurry. She took her time. Ten minutes had passed. The cab had to be almost there. I looked back. Nothing yet. She still hadn’t printed out my receipts or the release form. WHY IS SHE RECOUNTING THE MONEY FOR THE FOURTH TIME? I looked back. No cab yet.

Finally she pulled out the release form and started to fill it out. I looked back; the cab was there. Crap.

“Hi, can I run outside and tell the cab to wait?”

“I’m almost done,” she said. Her nails were getting in the way of her work.

The cab had its blinker on. It was leaving. As it started to take off, she passed out the release form and all receipts I needed. I grabbed them and sprinted outside. I jumped in the cab as it pulled away.

“Thank you,” I said. “23rd and Broadway.”

My stomach was killing me. I want my car. Then I want to pee. He thought it’d be a good idea to take Flower instead of Broadway, but it took twice as long.

“Sorry,” he said. “I thought Flower would be faster.”

He finally got me there. I ran in. I also thought about asking for a bathroom again, but decided against it. There was one guy working. He was there dealing with the crazy guy I had seen earlier. He obviously got what he needed as he had calmed down a lot. Then the phones started to ring like crazy. He kept answer. Five minutes passed. “My bladder is going to explode,” I thought.

I gave him the release, my license and my credit card. “Here.”

It was 4 p.m. by the time I got back in my car. It was hot in there. I needed to pee.. I drove back to 7th and Fig to pick up Deanna. I ran into Robinsons-May. It was cool inside. I ran to the restroom. I peed. I peed so long that a kid walked into a stall about 10 seconds after I left and finished peeing, washing his hands and walking out the door before I finished. I washed my hands. I had to wait 15 minutes before she came outside to meet me. I hugged her and we drove home.

I'm not anti-Semitic

I was at a talk by author Gore Vidal a few years ago. He was asked a question about Israel and the Middle East conflict overall. Vidal basically said something that Israel needed to pull out of Palestine and Lebanon. Someone got up and shouted at Vidal, basically calling him an anti-Semite. I think that this event symbolized Americans' relationship with Israel. Any person who criticizes that country is not pegged anti-Israel, but anti-Semitic.

Ever since Israel was founded after World War II, the Jewish state had a certain about of capital because of the holocaust. The thing is, Israel expanded beyond their territory for "relgious reasons" and eventually began wasting that capital. In fact, because of that capital that Western nations granted Israel, the country - not the Jewish people - began to bully its neighbors. In fact, every instance of an Israeli war with its neighbors in an overreaction and "safety" is used as an excuse for expansionism.

To fully understand the situation, let me show you a map from CNN:



Notice the locations of Lebanon, Egypt and Syria to Israel. Now here are some of the conflicts that have taken place since the end of World War II in that region:

1948 Arab-Israeli War - In short, after World War I, the British were in charge of that region. They split it into several pieces. "At this time (1922) the population of Palestine consisted of approximately 589,200 Muslims, 83,800 Jews and 71,500 Christians." However, Jews from Europe began to immigrate to the region. They called for a Jewish state. In 1947, two separate territories were formed in Palestine, one Jewish and one Arab. This immediately led to fighting. Several Jews were killed by Arabs. Initially, the Arab armies had the advantage, but by late 1948 that had all changed. Israel began to take more Palestinian land ... they also began to conduct "ethinc cleansing" (read: genocide) in the region.

1956 Suez War - In 1956, Egypt leader Abdel Nasser nationalized the Suez Canal Company, which controlled the Suez Canal. England and France joined with Israel for economic reason - they needed the canal. Israel invaded, but was forced to withdraw because of a U.N. resolution.

Six-Day War (1967) - Although Israel was forced to pull out of Egypt, the invasion showed how strong its military was. So with increased Arab aggression, Israel once again attacked Egypt. During this six-day war, 21,000 Arabs were killed and 45,000 were wounded - 779 Israelis were killed. As a result of this war, Israel took over the Gaza Strip and the Sinai Peninsula from Egypt, the West Bank (including East Jerusalem) from Jordan, and the Golan Heights from Syria.

Lebanon-Israeli Conflict - In 1978, terrorist organizations began conducting attacks on Israel. Israel than invaded Lebanon and only stopped because of U.N. resolutions ordering them to. The U.N. setup a security zone in Southern Lebanon. Then in 1948, after some more shelling by terrorist organization, Israel attacked Lebanon again. With the aim of "evicting" the terrorist organization. Sounds familiar, huh? They finally left the Lebanon security zone in 2000, but not before taking over a small part of Lebanon and building settlements there.

Israel has gotten away with being the aggressors in the region for 60 years. That needs to stop. The terrorism needs to stop too, but until Israel stops trying to grab more Arab land it won't. This cycle of small attacks by Arab countries, major assaults by Israel, will continue until this happens. My opinion doesn't mean I'm anti-Semitic. It also doesn't mean I'm against a Jewish state. All it means is that this country needs to end the cycle of aggression against its neighbors.

All the news fit to sorta print

Wow, the world is just crazy right now. No, really, there is more than just an Israeli-Lebanon-Palestinian conflict. Kim Jong-Il has gone Kim Jong-Il, that means he's gone crazy. President Bush is about to use his first veto, on stem cell research of all things. The San Andreas Fault is primed for a major quake. In many instances, the situation for Iraqis is worse under U.S. occupation than it was under Saddam Hussein's rule.

Phew, let me catch my breath. Where have I been while all this has happened? Well, I got a new job - I will be a teacher beginning Aug. 21. I also got Lasik surgery. Yes, no more glasses for me. So I've sort of been occupied with that stuff.

Anyway, back to the real news.

San Andreas Fault - Why isn't anyone talking about this? The biggest fault in California is set to go off and we just sit back and talk about Pam's and Kid Rock's marriage? There hasn't been a major quake on the fault in 300 years. As a result, "the fault has accumulated a slip deficit of roughly 19 to 26 feet." That means that there will be an earthquake magnitude 8.0 or above if the fault slips 19 to 26 feet in a single event. Crazy, huh?

But let's not talk about this. Let's talk about something a little less scary. Something like ruthless North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il having long-range nuclear missiles.

North Korea - Before I begin, let me say that I feel bad for Kim Jong-Il. Yeah, he's a ruthless dictator who's killed thousands and thousands of his people. He's a bastard, in fact. But dude screams, "Look at me, look at me!" Fires off a few missiles, including a long-range missile that malfunctions less than a minute after takeoff. Then Israel steps in and says, "This is how you get the world's attention." Lo and behold, the world is asking, "What's a North Korea?" My hunch is that dude just wants some food and other goodies to feed his people so that he won't get overthrown.

Well, now that North Korea is off the front page of the New York Times, maybe it's time to talk about Iraq. Wait, are we allowed to? CIA, are you tracking my blog? I am not a terrorist. I'm not even Arab or Muslim. I'm a Mexican. No, I'm not a Zapatista. I'm a Mexican Catholic. Now that I got that out of the way... Let's talk Iraq.

Iraq - I have no other way of saying this, but it's getting all f---ed up over there. Sunnis are killing Shiites. Shiites are killing Sunnis. Iranians are getting murdered. Mosques are getting destroyed. Christians are fleeing for safety in Syria of all places. This is nuts. Nearly 6,000 people were killed in May and June. That's 100 civilians a day.

(Sarcasm alert) However, Iraq is so 2005. We're there. Let's just support our troops as the situation deteriorates into a bloody civil war. I mean, withdraw them? Crazy. Only idiots would think it's time to withdraw our troops. We need to be there until the job is done. (sarcasm off)

Israel - Then there's Israel. Can't go a whole six months without Israel being a major story in every American newspaper and news channel. It's kind of sad when I can name Israel's Prime Minister (Ehud Olmert), but I can't name Mexico's new president or Canada's prime minister.

A soldier gets kidnapped by Hamas in Palestine, Israel attacks full force knocking out the fledgling country's infrastructure. The reasoning? Palestine isn't doing enough to disarm its terrorist groups.

Two soldiers get kidnapped by Hezbollah in Lebanon, Israel bombs the crap out of the country and continues to do so. The reasoning? Lebanon isn't doing enough to disarm its terrorist groups.

In fact, Olmert (Israel's prime minister remember?) said that his country won't stop until it disarms Hezbollah and Hamas itself. But it also might pick up some new land at the Southern Lebanon border. Also, don't be surprised if Israeli troops never leave the West Bank.

I'm so sick of this conflict. So freaking sick of it. I'm sick of my tax money being used to support an Israel that reacts with collective punishment. Don't know what collective punishment is? Well, imagine a person in your neighborhood committing a horrible crime like kidnapping. It really has nothing to do with you though. But instead of the punishment being directed at that single person, the entire neighborhood, no the entire infrastructure - power lines, gas lines, sewage lines - are bombed and destroyed. Well, that's what Israel does. Then its leaders wonder why the terrorists don't stop attacking their country. Then the West wonders why Arabs hate them. I mean, Israel commits a war crime, which collective punishment is, the West says that Lebanon and Palestine are in the wrong. Talk about blaming the victim.

Look, I have no love for terrorist organizations. They are evil and need to be stamped out. But I have even less love for a country that commits terrorism itself and then gets applauded for it. Israel needs to stop its actions. The Arab countries in that region have all said that they will recognize a Jewish state in Israel, but that's only after Israel recognizes the Palestinian state. But they won't. Why? Because illegal settlers will not leave their illegally built houses on foreign land. Olmert, the prime minister, needs to sack up and stop providing protection for these illegal settlers. Then he needs to allow Palestine to become a stable state that way it can stomp out its terrorist organizations.

Blah, anyway, that's my attempt to catch up with the recent news around the world. I'm sure I'll have more to say about these things as they progress. I'm out.